There are moments that give us opportunities to look deeper, ask further and give rise to something greater!
A recent event happened at the end of June, where I was in a very intimate encounter with a man, whom I felt very safe with, adored, and made me laugh often, and out of the blue after we made love, he put a pillow over my head for a few seconds. I couldn’t breathe, and when he lifted the pillow, I said, “You deserve to be smacked!” He said, “Oh its not a big deal. Don’t worry about it!’ Well, after numerous conversations with numerous coaches and my therapist, I decided I ought to jump in to truly healing my rape from 2005, at a much deeper level than I had before.
My therapist believed this to be a new trauma, however, from other conversations, I believe it was a re-visiting of the old, and a reminder, to go deeper, and a decision was made, “I’m am ready to remove this from my body completely and do whatever it takes to take out any reaction from any future encounter.”
I decided to go to a group therapy/education meeting in Philadelphia, and this has been eye opening. From all the Transformational Coaching conversations, my body was still having reactions as though that event in June stirred up something that happened just yesterday. I had to deal with those reactions all of July and now being August. My performance in my Leadership Training has dwindled, and I’ve experienced exhaustion, being checked out, and a new desire of writing the story from 05, and a book to truly help other women! I felt pain in my womb area and lower abdomen all last week, to the point I thought I needed to go to the hospital. They found nothing, and said, “You are perfectly healthy,” and suggested to follow up with a doctor. And on Sunday morning, after having 4 women from my leadership training stay with me TO BE SURE I did the weekend course, it dawned on me, I was angry and really sad, and that realization brought tears to my eyes, and the pain in my female area lessened.
The women’s meeting today was eye opening. There were women in there much worse off than myself, one’s trauma who had only just happened a couple months ago, and another who developed multiple disorders and diagnoses due to her experiences. I found myself truly wanting to help them, give them support, listen and be sure they said what they needed say.
This only proves my desire to write my book even stronger, having women’s gatherings even stronger, and my stand for women even greater! I will conquer this. I am conquering this, and I will help many women who need it!