It’s been a long time since I’ve written in here, on this blog, Healing Sacred Woman. I want to share a profound breakthrough, life altering experience I’ve gone through since March of this year, 2017. I went to a Shamanic event, without any expectations, and little did I know, what would come out of it would be an entirely new perspective on love, relationships, the yoni and wound and honoring my sexuality. It’s been about 2 and 1/2 months since the retreat, and I am only anchoring in even stronger the awakening that came from this experience, and I can’t wait to do it again!
Before doing this work, I was not grounded in my sexuality, not to this degree. I would often have lovers that wouldn’t stick around. I would try to build relationships after having sex right away, and be disappointed that the lover I was investing energy with at the time, wasn’t interested in anything serious with me, and would be left alone to grieve another man. I tried using sex, sexuality to draw them deeper to me, and would be broken hearted if they didn’t want to be intimate. There was no solid foundation of trust, love, friendship or wholeness to keep the relationship blossoming.
After the March Retreat, I grieved my husband of 11 years at a deeper place in my heart than I had before. I still love him, but I have allowed and accepted him to move into a new relationship and surrendered to my own deep pain in letting him go. During the process of grieving, which I had done with him many many times before, but never at this core, I had gotten together with old lovers to tell them my breakthroughs of moving into my heart and wanting to build a solid ground of friendship with someone and really know where they are at emotionally, and their choice of relationship before building intimacy with them, and not letting my sex center be the leader in who I choose to connect or attach to.
I notice I still have attraction to certain people, but my heart now speaks louder than the attraction or desire hidden inside. I instead am letting my heart lead my interactions, and using my powerful womb sexual energy to expand my heart, energy, spirit and soul. There is no need for sexual activity anymore. The sexual energy runs through my entire body and in all of my cells. I have allowed my sexual power to be all of who I am, rather than just the energy in my womb, or have knowledge of tantric teachings. I can now harness all of my Tantric self, and feel more integrated as a whole person in all of my chakras, not just some of them.
During this process I have been working with someone very intensely, one on one, in healing work, tantra, shamanic practices, soul healing, aura healing, psychic surgery type clearing, emotional processing, grief work, bodywork, and have moved into very powerful Dakini work with this person. There has been no sexual exchange, only love, and healing deeper and deeper into the heart center. I realized through this process, I could work with more people one on one intensely in monthly packages, instead of just one time sessions on occasion once or twice a month, or randomly every six months when they feel up to working with me. I can work an intensive package with people and hold my sexual energy and heart energy where I feel aligned to my truth. Since this process, I have surrendered my heart deeply with this one person, and feel love in a way I haven’t experienced since my estranged spiritual husband and I were first in love 11 years ago. I am choosing not to go into labels at this time, but am unbelievably grateful for the miracle of his presence showing up in my life, the gift I feel that was given to me by the universe and the miraculous healing he and I both have been going on together during this journey!
Many Blessings and Gratitude!